Yo, Dis be The daily Grind [entries|friends|calendar] Huy [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

DUI club: Part deuce [Jul 9, 08 ♥ 10:24pm] At this point, I knew the inevitables were acoming around the mountain when she comes. And she came around the mountain, yes she came… “Had anything to drink tonight? Your eyes are a little bloodshot….” I knew it. It was around 1 A.M. and I’m a young bloke. Not a bueno time to be shaking hands with the long arm of the law, mind you, I am 20 years of age. So I tell him that I had a beer like 4 hours ago and that I took some Nyquil for this cold I had. He tells me that I shouldn’t be driving on that stuff… Nyquil that is. Long story short, he asks me to do the field sobriety test, I walk a line and then refuse to do anything else. He breathalyzes me… 0.084… he then tells me that I am getting a DUI and draws my blood. This sucks. So he writes me up a ticket, and boy, let me tell you, he definitely used all of the blank boxes on that damn ticket. And the list goes… A) Driving with spirituous liquor in the body (DUI) B) Underage Drinking and driving with spirituous liquor in the body (Underage DUI) C) Speeding (52 in a 35 or 30, I don’t recall) D) No Registration (Matt hasn’t registered his NEW car yet) E) Fictitious Plates (Matt put his old car’s plate on this new puppy) F) No proof of insurance I think that’s it… Oh yeah, and they end up towing and impounding matt’s car. I felt real bad for this one. The cop does allow someone to pick us up, mainly picking me up and avoiding jail for the night. I kinda wish I had to go to jail instead of my later punishments. Oh word, I think I said that Matt was in the car with me, no, it was adam… Matt was watching this Disney on fucking ice spectacle go on from the Circle K across the street. So Mensah and one his friends gives a lift back to Sergio’s where we continued to party on, hey, shit has already happened, the world does not stop for petty shit like this. Uggggghhhh, na na na na! So the kids and I end up chilling at Serg’s for a bit and Huevo comes and gives us a lift home, since the fuzz decided to round up our stallion. Get back to the crib and hit the hay, tomorrow’s gonna be an action packed day. Morning peaks it’s face through my windows and my slanty eyes open. First thought that runs through my computer, “hey, it musta been a bad dream, DUI, fuck that!” One of the top 10 saddest moments in my beautiful life, I look at my right arm and see that I have gauze taped to the spot where the pig took my blood. Damn the man. First on the agenda: get matt’s car back. Well, easier said than done, that’s for damn sure. Ahhaha. I call the Po dept and they say that the registered owner of the car can get it out of impound. Hell yes, this won’t be so bad right? I mean, if I impounded MY car, then I would have to wait 30 days to get it back. So we bounce on down to the po’s palace. So check it out, before entering this fine establishment, you have to wait outside the doors and be buzzed in. So we go to the lil window and state our business and shit and are buzzed in. We go to the counter and this cop comes up, this guy looks like John Lithgow, you know, the old bald dude from 3rd rock from the sun…? What a dumbass show. So alas, we attempt to get the car back. One problem, Mr. Orlando has not registered the car under his name yet. Sent packing we are. Great. So now, we decide to go and register matt’s car. Again, easier said then done. Let me draw this up for you. We first have to go all the way to Chandler from Tucson, go to his house and get the paperwork, then go to the only DMV open on Saturdays in Gilbert, all before 5 p.m., when they close. The current time is… 1 or 2 methinks. So we’re off to the races and onto the 10 we hop, back up the pants of Arizona. So we’re driving and I ask him if he has keys to his house, he doesn’t but I guess there will be someone home, there always is. We finally arrive at Casa de Orlando, It’s like 3. Guess what???? There is nobody FUCKING HOME! The whole family is in downtown phoenix at a park for a fundraiser or something. HAHAHAH, great. So we hop in the g-ride and cruise down to phoenix and after much twisting and turning, we eventually get to his mother and grab the keys, and have to head back to his place. We get back to his place, and bolt to the DMV, I end up going to the wrong one, the one in Mesa, nope, the one we’re supposed to go to is on Greenfield, where the fuck is google maps when you need it? We end up getting to our true destination late and they’re closed. It’s fine because I guess we needed the signature of the previous owner beforehand, we realize now, but still, all I could say was… “ha”. So down and out we think, what will cheer us up? Ah yes, whataburger. Find one on baseline and in we go for some boobonic beef. So we go into the place and in line is what looks like a character straight out of napoleon dynamite, not only that, but the cat’s on rollerblades. We chomp down some delicious bovine and along with that, our heavy hearts. Back to Tucson we go. We’re mobbing on the 10, over by where the new 202/pecos splits and I look ahead and see this white benz. I josh with matt and tell him “haha, that looks like my ma’s car.” The thing is, I haven’t told my mother about this mishap yet, I wanted to wait until she’s home from work cuz when I do bad shit, it really fucks with her mentally/physically. I glance at the clock and it’s like 6, hmmm, about the time my mom gets off of work. I get closer to the benz and immediately see her side profile. BRAAAAKKKESSS, as I ease on them and crawl back into the traffic. Hahah, this was an epic moment. It was like playing Metal Gear Solid and being so scared of the exclamation point. Luckily, the feds did not take my ninja skills with Matt’s car and into the night I went. We get back to Tucson and decide to head back to the Po dept and test our luck again. Hey, maybe we’ll get someone that will let it slide. Get buzzed in and lo and behold, john fucking Lithgow is still there, go home to your wife and kids you shithead. We explain to him that Matt’s going back to PHX and that he wouldn’t be here to get his car, they tell us that he can give power of attorney to me so I can get his car. Just gotta grab a form from office max and get it notarized. One problem, it’s Saturday night, who the fuck notarizes? Anyways, we leave and go out and party for Tony’s bday. I was DD, haha. And what a weekend it continued to be. To be continued… 8 times.in|your.moms.butt

The DUI club [Jun 28, 08 ♥ 6:08pm] This ain't a goldberg and osbourne actual client's testament. This isn't a fairy tale with a fairy godmother either. This is the tale of drunk driving and how it WILL kill you. But nonetheless, this is a story of extravagant proportions, rivaled only by the stories of the carpenter named jesus, or the explorer named oddysseus. I am speaking of huy's dui story. So here we go again, a story so action packed and crazy, that telling it will never get old. So sit back and enjoy, prepare to be immersed in utter entertainment. It was the weekend of fag master 10's 21st birthday. 21, such an amazing age, saying farewell to underage drinking and fear of the fuzz, and saying hello to 5 dollar beers and crazy ass shots. Ah yes, a milestone in every americana's life. Just like always, we had no plans set in stone. The thing that tony did not realize was that on there ways down the pants of arizona, to the town of twat, were orlando 1 and aro con queso. 9 pm rolls around, they make their arrival and suprise the birthday boy with a cake and some spumoni. It was cute without the e. We had a little dinner, filling our stomachs, awaiting for the plans of the night to unfold. It was the month of March, so we watched some March Madness as calls were made and texts were sent. Eventually we decide to head out to a friend of a friend’s apartment partay, you know how these things go… We roll out and as always, debate over the topic of who was to drive. However, tonight was a special occasion, Matt the rocket scientist through heavy lobbying and filibustering, had recently got his engineering hands on an 01 camaro SS. Ah the Camaro SS, upon looking at the engine block number on the almight LS1, underneath the LS1 imprint, one will find the signature of God, Buddha, Allah, and Chuck Norris. Truly, the mold was broken after forging such a fine piece of machinery. Eager to pilot such a chariot, Matt offers to drive. We arrive at the party and the cris is flowing. Bitches in thongs all over the place. Pdiddy was there sucking at beer pong, stick to records puff. However, I drank a minimal amount, only having a beer, not even and earlier having a couple at the house. I gander at everyone around the place, here are my notes. Rocket scientist, being the drink pusher that he tends to be is getting everyone fizzurd, including himself and is swilling straight from a tequila bott. Eye brrs, he’s swilling with some of his pancho villa brotheren, Aro, he’s swilling at pickin fights (the meatometer was pegged in the red). Eventually the apartment seccurrrrity came and bounced everybody faster than a dude in high waters at a Scottsdale club. Everyone decides to head back to Sergio’s crib that is about 4-5 miles away. I holler at engineer for his keys to go grab the car. I pull up and him and Almira hop in. I tell him that I will drive cuz I know the way. Everyone hops into god’s chariot and we are out like dookie howser from the closet. Pull onto the road and we are straight bumpin some tunes. “I found you Ms. New Bootttyyyy…..” 1st, 2nd, cruise in 3rd. rolling at about 60. Within seconds we were mobbing down the street. I felt as if I were Marty McFly, making like a tree and scramming. We get to the light, which is red and still, Bubba Sparxxx is spitting that booty chatter. Almira slips out, “Huy, there’s a cop behind you.” Fuck, I’m thinking… Fuzz must’ve had a flux capacitor of his own. Light turns green and I proceed to turn left as his lights turn blue and red. Pull into the parking lot, mind is blank, heart is steady, but my balls are shooting into my pelvis. “You know why I pulled you over?” “Yeah, I was going a little fast back there” “Yep, you know how fast you were going?” “About 45, 47?” “52.” “oh…” “You know the speed limit?” “40?” “35…” To be continued... 3 times.in|your.moms.butt

[Sep 18, 06 ♥ 1:25am] …so we’re all eating at Coyote Paws. This place reminds me of a diner that they would’ve ate at in Kill Bill, in the town where Uma gets married and everyone gets killed, like somewhere in Texas or New Mexico, or Tucson. Anyways, so we’re all having a dandy time and eating and then Marcus the Hymenator starts making me laugh, OUCH, fuck, I start having pains in my side and it kills when I laugh. Like jigga man Jay-z, I dust the dirt off my shoulder and finish out the meal. We all head back to the crib and the Huy feels no bueno. The plan for the night was to go to this lil U of A run carnival called Spring Fling so I decide to just try and sleep it off so I’ll be cool for the night. What do you know, as time went on, the pain got worse. After a few hours, I went from just laying on the recliner to screaming like Pavoratti in my room, it was like a dodge pickup rammed straight into my stomach and the redneck that was driving it got out and slayed the same spot with a kindergardner’s pair of scissors (the plastic kind that won’t cut paper) then proceeded to pee in the wound, yeah, it was kinda bad. But being the Deity that I am, I refused to go to the hospital, I mean shit, we had to go to spring fling. Well enough was enough proclaimed Ms. April Barrett. She called a town meeting and everyone made me go to the hospital. Being the resourceful daisy that she is, she looked up the nearest urgent care that accepted my health insurance policy and that was also on the other side of the fucking galaxy. Everyone throws me in the car, my car, hahaha and we’re off. The whole way there I couldn’t fully breathe and was laying sideways in the passenger seat with my face against the window, yeah, I looked like a fucking retard that just nut his pants, it was a sight for sore eyes. So after traveling across the white plains, the sahara, the atlantic, and the milky way, we finally arrive at urgent care. I hobble in and instantly receive VIP treatment, “Right this way sir…” That’s right bitch. Anyways, they get me right in and the nurse takes my pulse yada yada, doc comes in, taps around and tells me, “son, you’re gonna have to go to the ER.” So as I hear this I’m thinking fuck, I hate that place. Chill for a bit and an ambulance comes and picks me up, load me up on a stretcher and back to hell I go. The ambulance was aight, just talked to the tech the whole way there, got a cool blanket out of it too. So I get back to the hospital and they get me in the back door, just the way I like to go. Long story short, waited for awhile, saw a few doctors, still planned on going to spring fling, saw some more doctors, pressed on my stomach a lil, and yeah. So it’s been a few hours now and my parents have arrived. I’m just chilling still, pain’s subsided a bit but don’t touch me please. So they want to do x-rays and an mri. So I get stretched down to x-ray and they shoot some rays in me. I’m laying there as these techs are looking at my x-rays and they start telling each other that I have long and great lungs, hahahaha. If they only knew… So the dude tells me that he’s never seen anyone’s lungs that did not fit on one x-ray slide, HAHAHAHAHAH. Next up is the mri, they made me drink some dye shit that sucked goat ass. Flash forward to a few hours later, they tell me I gots a big blood clot in my abdominopelvic region and they gotta go in as they don’t know what else could be wrong. No biggy. Few hours later, it’s Saturday now and I’m being wheeled into surgery. I have like 20 things sticking in and out of me. Suddenly they’re like, “hey bro, your blood pressure has dropped like whoa, that ain’t cool with us, we’re probably gonna have to transfuse some other mofuckers blood into you, that coo with you?” I oblige and consent to the possible transmittance of bad ish or even worse, not being able to accept it and dying. Whatev. They load me up with drugs and before you know it I’m the main course on the table, 10, 9, 8, I’m out. Wake up and I’m being wheeled to ICU. I have this bandage that spans my whole six pac abs, a tube sticking out the side of stomach into a reservoir with what looks like Hawaiian punch in it, a tube sticking out of my dick, 3 iv’s in my left arm/wrist, 1 or 2 in my right, a oxygen tube across my nose, blood pressure monitor on my left arm, electrodes all across my body, morphine/ saline bags all around, my piss bag, it was pretty weird. Atleast I still had my… health? Well, while I was asleep, they go in and do what Dr. Hendersen calls an “exploratory procedure.” Well Christopher fuckin Columbus explored alright. He never found a passageway to Asia but he did find a softball sized Bohemath of a blood clot and 3 liters of blood where it ain’t spossed to be. Good news tho, they ended up recirculating that shit back into me. Oh yeah, they left me with a scar the size of a rhinoceros dong, equivalent to about 7-8 inches straight down my ab line and skirtin to the left to dodge my belly button. Judges ruling, surgery sucks… 3 times.in|your.moms.butt

[Sep 13, 06 ♥ 12:15am] Well, here it is... i decided to write a story and started writing about my surgery and never finished. it's been chillin in my documents since may, anyways, maybe i'll finish it one day. From the dawn of time, there has always been stories that give the average joe a definition of what is truly remarkable. Tales such as those of Zeus, those of Genghis Khan, those of Alexander, and perhaps the greatest of them all… Huy. Yes folks, this is the folklore of yours truly. Masses thought it was a mere a legend but no, not at all. You see, legends are nothing but overexaggerated details of what people wish had happened. This is a retelling of actual events, legendary in itself. So sit back, drink a beer, do some meth, and go out driving down the 101 in reverse with your lights off, sit back and be prepared to be astonished by the story of a God, an Orlando 1. I remember it like it was minutes ago, an event so vivid, so moving. It all started on a Thursday morning. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning because I had to study for a physiology practical later that day. I started off the day as usual, opened my eyes and told the 7 goddesses (that had been virgins merely 8 hours earlier) to get the fuck out of my lair. Little did I realize how out of the ordinary the day and the rest of eternity would turn out to be. Finally after washing up I was able to start getting my study on, learning about the digestive system and the reasons behind the miracle of women not pooping until they have babies. Suddenly, it was as if the King Arthur had stabbed the great sword of Excalibur through my left upper arm. Pains shot up and down my arm. I thought nothing of this. If that weren’t enough, I started having some shitty ass pains in my abdominal region. I tried to deal with it and decided to lay down on the couch, this event disagreed with me so I moved to the lazy boy recliner and sat in a hilarious position for the next 20 minutes in pain. It didn’t feel any better so I decided just to get up and study. As I was walking back to my kitchen table I couldn’t take the wrath of God anymore so I just laid down on the carpet in the middle of my living room floor. Tossing and turning and shaking the planet under me as I did so, I began to cry out in pain, much like Aro’s warrior cries when he breathes out lava after drinking the holy water, 151. It felt as if my appendix/stomach/spleen/heart, or all of the above were about to burst. Sir Marcus and Dr. Anthony were asleep still and there I was, lying on the floor in a position much like that of Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber after chasing after Mary Swanson in the airport, where he fell from the terminal thing, yeah like that. Finally I get back to the table. The pain had not subsided and learning about the GI tract did not look pleasant so I returned to my bed and tried to sleep it off. I was in there for probably 2 hours and got 15 minutes of rest. 11:15 arrived and I was off to school. I walk out into the garage and getting into the car was hell. I took a deep breath and just dropped into the E-clit and off to hell I was. I get to school and getting into my car was heavenly compared to getting out. After 3 minutes of sitting in my car pondering, I mustered up the courage to get out. Warrior cries ensued, luckily I was all alone on the 4th floor, for the cries would have shattered souls within the vicinity. I make my way to class and have to take 3 breaks to sit and rest during the pilgrimage. I felt like an 80 year old on a respirator after swallowing a knife. Finally I arrive at class and take a seat in the hallway, awaiting the time of judgement. Harmon came and sat with me and I unraveled my scenario to him, suddenly I started feeling hella cold. Finally the door opens to let us in and I get up. Bad idea. Major head rush. I had to prop myself against the wall for a second. I go in and sit at my station, vision flashed over with white matter. Suddenly upon sitting I feel a heat flash and my face is now glistening with sweat. 1 hr later, the practical is over and I leave, before leaving I ask my TA about my condition and tell him my symptoms. He tells me that he thinks it’s a pinched nerve. I thought it may have been this before, maybe from sleeping awkwardly. Being a doctor, I acknowledged how crazy those nerves can be. I finally arrive back at the crib and return to my lair and tried to sleep it off. Sir Marcus occasionally came in and kept asking if I wanted to go the hospital, I deny. I fucking hate the hospital. Dr. Anthony texts me saying that he told his mom and they think I should go to the hospital too. I am woken up around 6-7 by a phone call from my mother and I tell her what’s going on. As many of you know my mother, the goddess that reared me, you know she gets pretty crazy. She convinces me to go to the hospital and insists on coming down, I tell her I’ll go but she shouldn’t come down because it’s probably just a nerve. I get into my car and make my way to the hospital. It was quite comical, the whole way there, I had to position myself so awkwardly because pains would just build up in my body. The best way to describe it is like in a video game where you have to tap the x button rapidly for this meter to hit the max and do it repeatidly, the meter goes up and down, getting closer and closer to the destiny and then your finger would get to tired and you’d have to start all over. The pain was tapping like hell away and the only way to make it tired was to shift weight off of my left abdominal side where the pain was most severe at, I had to use leverage from pushing my left foot off of the dead pedal to keep weight off that side when the pain would just build up. However, there was no stopping it’s devastation, the only thing I could do was put it off. Whenever I got to a red light, I had to succumb to it and there I was, lying all the way back in my car with the car in park and just screaming in agony. Finally I get to the hospital and again I dreaded getting out. After a few minutes of wanting to die, I decided to get out, a process that did pronounce me deceased for a second. There was guy walking in the parking lot that probably thought I was delirious when I tried to get out of my car. I walk into the emergency room and put my name down and waited. I proceeded to wait for the next 5 hours. My parents came down during the first hour and kept me company. My mom gave me some advil for the pain and that seemed to put it out. After the wait of a lifetime, I said fuck that and left. My pain did subside and was barely there. It was amazing, I get home and it’s basically gone and I sleep like normal and everything. I was like fuck yes, hallelujah. I wake up the next morning for my 8 am class and feel normal. It was as if the goddess Athena had breathed life back into me. I decide not to go to class and instead I go to the courts to try and turn in stuff for my court case. I end up going to 2 of the wrong courts and then at the 2nd one, they tell me to go to the dmv. Off to the DMV I went. Not too long of a wait and guess what, they said that I had to go to the fucking city court to do it. Thanks you for making me run to every god damn department. The law hates me. Anyways, these mere event are only to display the normality of my health during the day. After a lot more running around, I go back to the pad and hang out with Marcus and Anthony. The goddess April came down later that day and we all went to lunch at a restaurant fit for kings: Coyote Pause. This is where and when the end of the world began. 8 times.in|your.moms.butt

Happy Gobble Cock Day [Jul 21, 06 ♥ 12:48pm] [ mood | anxious ] i'm leaving on a jet plane i don't know when i'll be back again oh, babe, i hate to go but i'm leaving on a jet plane... Life is a fucking rollercoaster, let me tell ya. Who knew so much could happen in a year, there’s only so much that I could take before it began to eat away at me, and eat away at me it did. Seriously, I’ve been going out of my mind lately and if you know me, you know that I try not to let shit get to me too much. Mission failed. Bumps in the road eventually smooth out right? I’d be lying to the world if I blamed anyone else but myself and that makes me feel like such a piece of shit that a lot of it is a result of my own doings. The hole is getting too deep to jump out of. So my summer here in az is essentially going to be over on Friday. It’s been a grand time I must say and sorry if I haven’t been my usual self lately, it’s a result of all this time I have to dwell on stupid crap and a result of too much thinking. But it’s time to turn the pages to a new chapter; i’m excited to return to the motherland. It’s gonna be incredible. Screw all of the classes, screw all of the punishment, it’s time to bring on the fun. What really gets to me is that while my life is so damn easy right now, I still become a whiny ass bitch, life’s only as hard as you make it. I guess it’s really easy to fall into a ditch and just sit there for awhile, not realizing how easy it is to get out. But whatever happens, know that I’m here to stay. I may be one big scar, I may not be as mobile as before, I may not be able to drive but believe that I’m here to stay. So what’s behind the next bend? So as I leave it all behind and say farewell for a little while, I thank you all for being there for me. I’ve got friends, in fact, I’ve got wonderful friends and you know what? Sometimes you need help along the path of life, a little hug here and there, maybe a beer or two, but eventually everything will be alright. Piece love and chicken grits. I’m out. 8 times.in|your.moms.butt

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]